I am in a picture book
biting off the corners
yes, they taste like pulp
I was planted here by arrow-mothers
where the firm street deadens at the factory wall
they spoke to me
as if I were a learning game
I made a cardboard computer
and chickened out at show-and-tell
whispering mace a menace
while Ms. Dolan drank her Kool-Aid
Sometimes I feel like Trenton
but today I am on my way
green forest back
in a picture book with otters
2 comments:
im going to do something not oft' done...
im giving you feedback muthafucka! SLAMMA JAMMA!
OK, so im the most "all-togetha" with stanza 3...awesome image, very fun, but feel gin is a bit heavy....it seems to me, more menacing, and funnyish, if its tea, or coffee or something simple.
last stanza strong, i read it initially as:
sometimes i feel like trenton
but today i am on my way
green forrest back
in a picture book with others.
i dont know what that means either...or anything..just sayin
im not sold on the image in stanza one, however. "clean like tigers, corners in their mouths..." its fun, but not powerful, for me.
i like they spoke to me...learning game...very nice
...i was just going to write something funny here but realized that other people read these blogs..and it might not be appropriate...
anyway...DONT SAY THAT DONT SAY THAT ....I KNOW YOUR NOT MAAAAD...ANNNYYMOOOOREE.
ANYTIME, ANYWAY,
anyway....SLAMMA JAMMA...
ill publish something on my blog soon, i hope
DON'T SAY THAT DON'T SAY THAT!
No, say things. Thanks, man. I agree on all points...the "tigers" image was forced and not good wood to work with (against the grain--OUCH!), and I just like tigers. ANd the beverage does need to be changed. this one is still in progress, and may come to nothing, but thanks AGAINZ.
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